8th Italian Film Fest at the Shangri-la: Mi Amico, Cinema Abbondanza!

Saluti douchebags (greetings douchebags). The Italian Film Fest is here once again at the bestest mall in the world, the Shangri-la Plaza, the mall wherein you could put me in a blindfold and I’d still manage to blah blah blah. Ok you know what happened to me at the last Cinema Europa? I was only able to watch 2 films! A LOT of people lined up the festival EVERY FREAKING DAY of the festival and I always end up empty handed! Figlio di un travestito subdolo! (son of a sneaky transvestite). Only 2 films, imagine that. And even with my film festival survival guide, I wasn’t prepared for the overwhelming attendance especially during the prime hours of 4pm to 9pm. It is quite frustrating. So gimme a minute here and let me just update that guide with something I’ve recently learned:

Remember when I said in my film festival survival guide that tickets are given 3o minutes before schedule? Well screw that. Be there 1 hour before the screening time because, ahahahaha you bastard, YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY film lover in the Philippines. I mean who do you think you are? You just can’t eat dinner at some restaurant and expect to be handed a ticket that easy. You can’t just stroll along the mall holding hands with your girlfriend and suddenly decide, “Oh baby, let’s go upstairs, I think it’s time for the movie na.” NO asshole. Life ain’t a cake walk like that no more. And don’t even think of lighting up that post-dinner cigarette and expect to be lounging comfortably inside the cinema soon afterwards. NO. At the very least, be there 1 hour before the time or else you will find yourself scratching your head at the end of a long serpentine line with your girlfriend giving you that dreaded “see I told you I was right” look. Worse, you find yourself at the end of the these-losers-have-no-tickets-and-are-just-praying-for-empty-seats so-they-can-be-let-in” line. Believe me, you don’t want to be in that line.

Whew! Che ha le natiche sparato su (that got my buttocks fired up). Sorry for the delay, I just had to get that outta my system. So alright. The 8th Italian Film Fest starts tomorrow and check out the festival line-up below.

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Philippine Aid: Typhoon Ondoy and The Power of the Internet

As of this writing, Philippine Aid has raised $6, 636 in less than 78 hours over the Internet thru their website via credit card and Paypal donation. In turn, the donations received online will be given to the Philippine National Red Cross which is currently in full action, among many other relief operation groups, heeding to the needs of the victims of Typhoon Ondoy. Definitely this monetary support will greatly aid many of our country men stricken by this calamity.

It is quite admirable that even in the state of calamity, people such as the minds behind Philippine Aid (you know who you are) are quick to harness the power of the Internet using various social media channels like Twitter, Plurk and Facebook to spread its message both locally and internationally. And thanks to the vigilant users ( like Maki here)of these services, Philippine Aid is still is receiving donations from all over thus giving concrete example of how the Internet should be utilized to achieve immediate cause. Great job.

Now it ain’t over yet, help is still needed. Please Donate and spread the word.

GYM Membership: Dude, This Is ABCORE! Part 2

Behold mortals… the AbCore!

Ok that may not be the best picture of the machine right there. But it just goes to show how great the AbCore is. Even Professor X uses it! Uhm, well the guy on the seat looks kinda dead right? But who knows, underneath that taxidermied facade lies a chiseled, Conan the Barbarian abdominal muscles. Looks can be deceiving you know. He might just be playing dead. Why? I don’t know. One does not question the Professor.

Anyway. When I saw the AbCore, I had the feeling that it would be the answer to my burgeoning belly. And my doubts were laid to rest when I saw this great testimonial about the AbCore:

Great huh? Now if I could just find one concrete web content that validates this Bob Taggart’s existence, since this guy also claims he won the 2003 Pan American championship. Without proof, this Bob could just be a pot-smoking store attendant at the sporting goods section of a Walmart.

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GYM Membership: Dude, This Is ABCORE! Part 1

I forgot what day it was exactly last week, but one time at the office after lunch I swear to God I saw myself in the mirror and I looked pregnant. Like six months pregnant. My belly, from the looks of it, seemed fat and bloated. And so my immediate reaction to this was like, “LOL this is absurd!” I never get fat. My metabolism is super fast that I can eat as much as I want to and never get fat. That is true. So looking at the mirror I just shook my head and said to myself, “Oh my mischievous co-workers, somebody must have been studying sorcery and cast a beach volleyball under my shirt. Those silly rascals ahahaha. Now let me just raise my shirt up and see that it’s just a beach— HEAVENS TO MURGATROYD it’s REALLY MY BELLY!!!!

Friends, it didn’t take long for me to figure out what the horrific image is telling me. I can no longer eat the way I do. I can no longer exercise the way I do. I can no longer sit down and eat fried pork swimming in cooking oil and let fat rendezvous around my belly. Bob Dylan said it best, The Times They Are A-Changin’. Of course he was talking about social and cultural change but nevertheless same can be said about my bingeing ways. As soon as possible, the atrocity has to stop.

Which brings us to the meat of this post. Two days ago I got my ass a gym membership. And it felt as though the gods must have been watching my weight and decided to do something about it because inside this gym, I found a machine so awesome and magnificent it can only be made from the thunderbolts of Zeus at Mt. Olympus.

To Be Continued…

(my arms are a bit tired from lifting 300lbs of weight with 15 sets of 30 repetitions each, so I have to stop for now, please be patient my scrawny friends. Part 2 is coming soon)

CINE EUROPA 12 Manila and FILM FESTIVAL SURVIVAL GUIDE (kind of)

Cine Europa is here once again at the bestest mall in the world, the Shangrila Plaza, the mall wherein you could put me in a blindfold and I’d still manage to:

1. walk straight to Wham! Burger and order meself a bronco Burger
2. use the escalators up to the 4th level balcony and have a smoke
3. locate a clothing store i could never afford, ie: Paul Smith at the 3rd level
4. buy a cellphone at a booth in the food court and have it activated at the Globe branch ground floor
5. head outside to Agave’s Mexican Bar at the Streetscape and drop Cuba Libre and Mango Mojito shots

and

6. by the use of smell find and pet the Siberian Husky guard dog who’s too lethargic to even wag its tail.

Again ALL BLINDFOLDED. Amazing innit? I tell ya, I am always at Shangrila.

Anyway. I’ve seen a lots of great movies at Cine Europa thru the years. La Mome, the Lives of Others, Diving Bell and the Butterly, French Films I never did remember the titles and many more from various Euro countries. This year, Cine Europa 12 has a few gems worth lining up to. Let’s see, as what I’ve researched there’s:

1. The Blind Flyers – an inspiring story of blind kids auditioning for a band.

2. REC – have you seen or have you heard the horror flick QUARANTINE? That is the remake and this is the original. REC scored 95% on the TomatoMeter and im sure you know what that means.

3. Christmas Story – it’s a FINNISH christmas film. and it’s about Papa Santa Claus so.

4. The Wave – modern German filmmakers have a lot to say about their History thru films. Movies like my personal favorites Goodbye Lenin visits the German Unification in a sense of nostalgia and the Lives of Others exposes secrets during cultural and social change. The Wave now tackles Facism, the Nazi regime to be exact, in classroom teacher-student setup in modern day Germany. Definitely THE must-see for me.

5. Any other films in the line up. Here’s the list of movies and their schedules.

Now let me share to you a Shangrila FILM FESTIVAL SURVIVAL GUIDE of some sort:

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