8th Italian Film Fest at the Shangri-la: Mi Amico, Cinema Abbondanza!

Saluti douchebags (greetings douchebags). The Italian Film Fest is here once again at the bestest mall in the world, the Shangri-la Plaza, the mall wherein you could put me in a blindfold and I’d still manage to blah blah blah. Ok you know what happened to me at the last Cinema Europa? I was only able to watch 2 films! A LOT of people lined up the festival EVERY FREAKING DAY of the festival and I always end up empty handed! Figlio di un travestito subdolo! (son of a sneaky transvestite). Only 2 films, imagine that. And even with my film festival survival guide, I wasn’t prepared for the overwhelming attendance especially during the prime hours of 4pm to 9pm. It is quite frustrating. So gimme a minute here and let me just update that guide with something I’ve recently learned:

Remember when I said in my film festival survival guide that tickets are given 3o minutes before schedule? Well screw that. Be there 1 hour before the screening time because, ahahahaha you bastard, YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY film lover in the Philippines. I mean who do you think you are? You just can’t eat dinner at some restaurant and expect to be handed a ticket that easy. You can’t just stroll along the mall holding hands with your girlfriend and suddenly decide, “Oh baby, let’s go upstairs, I think it’s time for the movie na.” NO asshole. Life ain’t a cake walk like that no more. And don’t even think of lighting up that post-dinner cigarette and expect to be lounging comfortably inside the cinema soon afterwards. NO. At the very least, be there 1 hour before the time or else you will find yourself scratching your head at the end of a long serpentine line with your girlfriend giving you that dreaded “see I told you I was right” look. Worse, you find yourself at the end of the these-losers-have-no-tickets-and-are-just-praying-for-empty-seats so-they-can-be-let-in” line. Believe me, you don’t want to be in that line.

Whew! Che ha le natiche sparato su (that got my buttocks fired up). Sorry for the delay, I just had to get that outta my system. So alright. The 8th Italian Film Fest starts tomorrow and check out the festival line-up below.

Screening schedule:

October 14, Wednesday
The True Legend of Tony Vilar – 7:30 p.m.

October 15, Thursday
Before You Know It – 2 p.m.
Gas – 4:30 p.m.
The Viceroys – 7 p.m.
Smalltown, Italy – 9:30 p.m.

October 16, Friday
The Fever – 2 p.m.
Mater Natura – 4:30 p.m.
The Bird with the Crystal Plumage – 7 p.m.
The Heretic – 9:30 p.m.

October 17, Saturday
One Out of Two – 2 p.m.
What I’m Doing Here – 4:30 p.m.
The True Legend of Tony Vilar – 7 p.m.
Gas – 9:30 p.m.

October 18, Sunday
Caravaggio – 2 p.m.
The True Legend of Tony Vilar – 4:30 p.m.
Mater Natura – 7 p.m.
The Destination – 9:30 p.m.

October 19, Monday
The Heretic – 2 p.m.
The Fever – 4:30 p.m.
One Out of Two – 7 p.m.
What I’m Doing Here – 9:30 p.m.

October 20, Tuesday
Smalltown, Italy – 2 p.m.
The Bird with the Crystal Plumage – 4:30 p.m.
Caravaggio – 7 p.m.
Before You Know It – 9:30 p.m.

October 21, Wednesday
The Destination – 2 p.m.
The Fever – 4:30 p.m.
What I’m Doing Here – 7 p.m.
The Viceroys – 9:30 p.m.

What?! You want me to research each film for you and find out what are the good ones? Si dispone di una noce per un cervello (you have a walnut for a brain). Do your own research. Or simply visit here for the film listings. Lawlz. But if you must know, the must-see for me is The Heretic and the True Legend of Tony Vilar. Both seems interesting since the former reminds me of Slipknot and the latter reminds of a co-worker. Anyway, I’m sure there are gems in this festival more than what their descriptions tell us.

But of course I wouldn’t know that if I won’t be able to watch as much films as I want to right? Oh no not this time my friends. I now bring with me a fortified survival guide so I am bound for good seats. So again, see you at the cinemas fellow cineastes. I hope you find this post helpful. If not, quindi spero che passo sopra un mucchio di rifiuti umani (then i hope you step over a pile of human waste). Arrivederci, bitches.