8th Italian Film Fest at the Shangri-la: Mi Amico, Cinema Abbondanza!

Saluti douchebags (greetings douchebags). The Italian Film Fest is here once again at the bestest mall in the world, the Shangri-la Plaza, the mall wherein you could put me in a blindfold and I’d still manage to blah blah blah. Ok you know what happened to me at the last Cinema Europa? I was only able to watch 2 films! A LOT of people lined up the festival EVERY FREAKING DAY of the festival and I always end up empty handed! Figlio di un travestito subdolo! (son of a sneaky transvestite). Only 2 films, imagine that. And even with my film festival survival guide, I wasn’t prepared for the overwhelming attendance especially during the prime hours of 4pm to 9pm. It is quite frustrating. So gimme a minute here and let me just update that guide with something I’ve recently learned:

Remember when I said in my film festival survival guide that tickets are given 3o minutes before schedule? Well screw that. Be there 1 hour before the screening time because, ahahahaha you bastard, YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY film lover in the Philippines. I mean who do you think you are? You just can’t eat dinner at some restaurant and expect to be handed a ticket that easy. You can’t just stroll along the mall holding hands with your girlfriend and suddenly decide, “Oh baby, let’s go upstairs, I think it’s time for the movie na.” NO asshole. Life ain’t a cake walk like that no more. And don’t even think of lighting up that post-dinner cigarette and expect to be lounging comfortably inside the cinema soon afterwards. NO. At the very least, be there 1 hour before the time or else you will find yourself scratching your head at the end of a long serpentine line with your girlfriend giving you that dreaded “see I told you I was right” look. Worse, you find yourself at the end of the these-losers-have-no-tickets-and-are-just-praying-for-empty-seats so-they-can-be-let-in” line. Believe me, you don’t want to be in that line.

Whew! Che ha le natiche sparato su (that got my buttocks fired up). Sorry for the delay, I just had to get that outta my system. So alright. The 8th Italian Film Fest starts tomorrow and check out the festival line-up below.

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