Johnny Depp’s Island in the Bahamas and How I Plan to Get There

Little Halls Pond Cay in Nassau, Bahamas. 6 beaches, 1 lagoon and 45 acres of paradis (get it? paradis). Here’s how he came upon this beautiful place. “Like everything else in my life, it wasn’t planned, it just kind of happened. After I had done the first ‘Pirates’ movie I went on vacation to escape with my kiddies and my girl and someone said there was an island down the road for sale. I looked at it, I walked on it and I was done. So I immediately called my business manager and said ‘Please!’ And that was it.”

Easy as me stealing from a co-worker’s bag of chips. Well you would buy an island too, for $3.6M, if you’ve just earned $96M for a trio of movies you just did. Throw in 156-ft stream-powered boat and begin to set sail down yonder the Bahamas. Nyarrr.

Now here’s the plan:

I’ll get employment in a luxury cruise ship en route to the Bahamian territory. A cabin boy would be perfect, so I can record drunk couples unmindfully having it and sell the videos to European porn-ring webmasters. Extra earnings on the side yah? Now I will socialize a lot and not be the stereotypical mysterious loner guy caught talking to furniture and stuff, so the people around will not suspect me to be the culprit of the missing lifeboat and rhum bottles. I will also steal the Captain’s clothes, later I will tell you why.

As the cruise ship approaches the crystal waters of the Bahamas, precisely at 23:oo hours night time I will jump ship and set-up the dismantled lifeboat while I steadily float in shark infested waters. As soon as the boat is done, I will climb aboard and change into the Captain’s clothes and set sail with a table cloth as my sail. I hope it’ll not be floral. With my arms as paddles and a printed copy of Google Maps as guide, I shall navigate to exactly 60 nautical miles to the southeast to Little Halls Pond Cay. Avast mateys, i’ll be loaded t’the gunwales in rhum while me set sail. And ahoy! me have set foot on the island!

Now either I will be welcomed by Johnny Depp himself or the Coast guard with their fleet of Torpedo boat class destroyers be waiting. It’s a win/win for me actually. Either me and JD will become pals or the article “Crazed JD Fan Set Sail to Bahamas Apprehended by Authorities Deported to County Assylum” will serve as reference for Wikipedia entry “lunatic” and possibly give backlink to this blog. Gah.

Do not fear lads. A dream is dream and we shall live it! For now, Avast ye scurvy dogs! (you know, I really love the word “avast”)

*read some articles here:

Johnny Depp Opens Up In Private Bahamian Getaway

Johhny Depp Reveals Secret Island Getaway

mentions:

Pirate Translate by TLAP

Talk Like A Pirate Day on Sept 19