When we find solace in loud guitar instrumentations, when we feel alive lost in splendor of melancholic rhythms, when we soberly explain ourselves through screaming vocals – as we imagine singing it in front of their faces. That is when we know that music is saving us.
Thursday, our heroes.
Up to this day I’m still clueless as to why my blog made such an impact on you. I honestly thought it never had much readers and that I wasn’t making any sense. But you proved me wrong. Also, thank you for liking my curly hair. I like it too. Hehe.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I even blog. I mean why do I even share my personal stuff for public consumption? I guess I was hoping to reach out with people the same as me. Anybody I guess. Somebody out there must be feeling half the world away too. Nobody did connected with me I suppose, till there was you.
Although I disabled commenting on this blog, you still share your thoughts. Although we never get to see each other almost all the time, I can still feel your presence. You’ve always got an open ear. And say what you wanna say, I left the comments on. Thanks for caring.
Before this, I actually perceived subtlety as being weak. You know. My virtues in life were on being aggressive. Being on the offense. Speaking your mind. Asserting character. Fighting for what you believe in. Getting what you want. Gaining recognition and Showing Pride.
But it seems it’s no formula. I now believe that real strength is not always passive at all. Rather displayed for everyone to see, strength should just be observed. The dictionary describes it as the “refinement of reasoning” and if there’s something good to come out from these past tumultuous weeks, I am learning to be subtle. There is assurance in it.
I stress myself trying to keep the balance that I want. Maybe I was looking towards the “future” too much that I haven’t given the present enough attention. Maybe I’m not working as hard as I should be (or that I am working too much). Maybe because I try to grasp things only with idealism, and that now I end up flailing. Maybe there are things that I chose to forget that needs closure first. Or maybe I’m just being to hard on myself, trying to be in three places at the same time, being a different person as who the moment requires. I am talking about my life, and how it’s affected. By them, by this and by that.
I need to lose the balance and climb a ladder instead. One step at a time, one thing after the other. I exactly know what to do and when to do it. All is just a phase.
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