tj cafuir | the Life and Times

Before this, I actually perceived subtlety as being weak. You know. My virtues in life were on being aggressive. Being on the offense. Speaking your mind. Asserting character. Fighting for what you believe in. Getting what you want. Gaining recognition and Showing Pride.

But it seems it’s no formula. I now believe that real strength is not always passive at all. Rather displayed for everyone to see, strength should just be observed. The dictionary describes it as the “refinement of reasoning” and if there’s something good to come out from these past tumultuous weeks, I am learning to be subtle. There is assurance in it.

I stress myself trying to keep the balance that I want. Maybe I was looking towards the “future” too much that I haven’t given the present enough attention. Maybe I’m not working as hard as I should be (or that I am working too much). Maybe because I try to grasp things only with idealism, and that now I end up flailing. Maybe there are things that I chose to forget that needs closure first. Or maybe I’m just being to hard on myself, trying to be in three places at the same time, being a different person as who the moment requires. I am talking about my life, and how it’s affected. By them, by this and by that.

I need to lose the balance and climb a ladder instead. One step at a time, one thing after the other. I exactly know what to do and when to do it. All is just a phase.